I am writing this deep in the throes of moontime, well aware that my brain is not operating at optimum capacity and so the words are taking a little longer to form, yet my womb is alive and has an urge to express herself.
This morning as I woke groggily in the deep bliss of the first day of menstruation I was greeting by my dog panting hungrily beside my bed pestering me for his morning walk. Not overjoyed at the prospect of physical activity, I reluctantly acquiesced and we took ourselves to the beach. As I began to walk, womb pulsating, I suddenly remembered that I had a choice. I could fight this walk and continue to long for my cosy bed, or override the fullness in my belly and try power-walking to get beyond it. Maybe it was the beauty of the morning or my recent Tigress Yoga™ practice that spoke to me then, but I realized I also had another choice.
I could engage.
I could close my eyes and breathe deeply and let go of the conditioning that says I have to be able to function in a certain way or not at all, and let my womb be my guide. And then the magic happened. My walking slowed to a hypnotic rhythm led by my pelvis and hips. My gaze fell inward and the cool sea breeze on my body began to awaken sensation from the inside. As I smiled into my ovaries, my whole body smiled back and the most exquisite orgasmic sensations flooded my whole body. Even my toes tingled and the overriding sense was of deep bodily happiness and fulfillment. And it just kept coming.
And the funny thing is that it was all so natural and effortless. And I knew then that I had always been multi orgasmic, that it was in fact my birthright and natural state to be this way. The only problem is that most of the time I am moving too fast to notice.
My shifting relationship to menstruation first came in my mid 30’s when I found myself suddenly longing for the experience of childbirth but involved with someone who did not want a child. As you can imagine this did wonders for our sex life and like a well brought up ‘good girl’ I tried to override my body’s longing and be ok with things as they were. My body however, decided to rebel and fight back and each month I would experience the most searing pain I has ever felt before bleeding. Never before had I experienced anything like it and I began to think something was seriously wrong with me. It came to a head one day at work when I found myself locked in a cupboard while my class was working in the next room, on all fours trying not scream at the tearing pain that felt like a knife was cutting me apart. I needed help.
My beloved homeopath cautiously skirted around the possibility that I needed to leave my relationship, and gave me some remedies and a very valuable piece of advice that at the time seemed very strange. She told me to go home and speak to my body. To tell my body that I could hear her and that I was listening and that no matter what happened that I was there for her and would never abandon her. It makes me laugh to think how foreign a concept this was for me then. “Talk to my body?” Yeah right. But I was desperate. So I tried it. I ran a bath and I had a long chat with my body, hands over my womb. And it was the first time I had ever deeply connected with myself. We cried and we laughed and we formed a bond that I now know will last forever. And I continued to keep that conversation going until miraculously only a few weeks later, the pain stopped. Yep. Just like that. Within a matter of months not only did I no longer feel ANY kind of pain at all, but my blood began to flow freely and I began to tap into the beginning of a sensation I could only describe as bliss. I started to long for my monthly bleed so I could feel more of this deep exquisite connection inside and my whole experience of moontime was radically transformed.
I wish that someone told me sooner what was possible for me here. I can’t really blame my mother, who awkwardly explained to me at 11 that bleeding ‘down there’ was something I would have to endure every month, for she didn’t know any better and had never really enjoyed the ‘messiness’ of her body. I probably wouldn’t have believed an adult telling me that this could be sacred and blissful at that time, anyway. But since finding Tigress Yoga™, a womanly practice that embraces and honors moontime and actually shows a woman how to tap into a state of blissful awareness of all that’s happening inside, I know there’s a way to help shift this sooner for all young women.
I am deeply indebted to the incredible women I have since met who have been walking the sacred feminine path to healing and wholeness. Katherine Cunningham is a shining light in teaching women to bleed powerfully and with sacred depth and awareness, and of course Devashi Shakti and Tigress Yoga™ which has given me an ongoing potent practice to engage with as my bleeding journey continues. But mostly I am deeply and most humbly grateful to my own beautiful body who woke me up when I most needed it and opened to me a sacred pathway to healing, wholeness and well being.
With Love. x